A Time of Preparation

"I will go before you and make the crooked places straight; I will break in pieces the gates of bronze and cut the bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, Who call you by your name, Am the God of Israel."
-Isaiah 45:2-3

It's been a busy couple of months. Between doctors appointments and exams, I haven't had time to do much of anything lately. But one thing remains constant. I always feel the pull of my Lord beckoning me to spend intimate time with Him.

I feel as though Christ is preparing me for something that is sooo much bigger than I could ever imagine, which really is His plan for all of us if we would just allow Him. This is what I am seeking: a life that is completely surrendered to Christ. A life that compels others to surrender. A life that will have an eternal impact.

I've had a lot of people ask me lately what I plan on doing after I graduate high school. I have no clue. Honestly, I don't want to go to college. It's so overwhelming, especially since I'm used to being in a class of 16 for the past 4 years. I know that whatever I do, I want it to bring honor to my King. I would love to be able to do something in ministry (obviously not being a preacher, Paul makes himself very clear about the roles of women in the church). But outside of preachers, youth ministers, and missionaries, I'm not really sure what's available to me.

This is where Christ comes in. He knows exactly where I need to be in my life, what I need to be doing in order to be fulfilled in Him. This is where my time of preparation comes in. When Christ is my ultimate goal, I don't have to worry about where to go to college, what to study, or what career I need to have. All that is required of me is to spend time with my Jesus.

On another note, my brother just left the United States today for a 5 month mission trip to Brazil. Please be in prayer for him and the church he is working with.

Caswell

This weekend, a group of students from Fairview Baptist traveled to Fort Caswell on Oak Island. Our trip consisted of a lot of good food, not a lot of sleep, messy and not so messy games. We arrived late Friday night, got unpacked, and started our first session. Our theme this year was Live. Love. We finally got to sleep that night around 1 in the morning. Saturday we had our Amazing Race. Instead of doing this on the fort, we went to a near by town, Southport. Late that night, we roasted marshmallows and made smores on the beach. We sang songs, saw shooting stars, and caught some sharks. Sunday morning we got all packed up, went to church, and said goodbye to our beloved Fort Caswell.

Unfortunately, I was not looking forward to this trip. I knew that it was going to be a lot different than it had been in the past. We had a smaller group going and we were staying at a different house. I realized that a lot of times, we get caught up in traditions and expectations and we forget about the reason we're doing something. I regret not having a joyful heart from the very beginning. This trip was so awesome. Since there were not a lot of people going, there was not drama and the group wasn't divided. Most of the time, all of us were together.

I am so glad I went on this trip that bonded our group. We made so many memories. I cannot wait to see how God is going to use these special students to bring Him glory.

Glory to God, forever!

Praise You in This Storm

Throughout this whole medical ordeal, I've realized that I haven't had the right attitude about anything. I've been thinking that everything that could be wrong with me is wrong with me. But I haven't been thinking about all the things that I should be thankful for. I am thankful that whatever is wrong with me hasn't taken my life. I am thankful for my parents who I have scared over and over again. I am thankful for my church family who have surrounded me in prayer and surrounded me literally when I've been having these attacks. I am thankful for my school family who have also been praying hard for me and ensuring that I have what I need for my education. I am thankful for the firemen and paramedics who responded so quickly. And I am most thankful for Christ. If He hadn't taken my place on the cross so many years ago, I would be suffering way more than I already am. I can feel His arms wrapped securely around me. His grace and mercy is amazing and I cannot fully comprehend it.

Since not a lot of people read this, I can write about what we are concerned is going on. Yesterday, I had an episode at school in my Spanish class. What concerned my teachers is that it looked as if I was having a seizure. My eyes rolled back in my head and I was shaking terribly. My teacher encouraged my mom to get me checked out for them and not to let them tell us these were panic attacks. My doctor said I could very likely be having seizures. She got us in with a good neurologist in Raleigh. I'm going tomorrow for some tests. I pray that they will find everything that needs to be found.

My Weekend

My family has had quite a weekend. Anyone that was at Fairview yesterday got a sermon and a show. In between Sunday School and the service, I experienced sort of an asthma/anxiety attack. I couldn't get a breathe and I was shaking so bad it was almost borderline seizing. Luckily, I had some people there to help me through it. I got to ride in my first ambulance. They came and picked me up from church and we rode to Western Wake. We stayed there for about two hours and they gave me some steroids. I was really weak and tired all day but never got any good rest.

Last night we had a youth meeting/dinner. I felt the same as I had all day. All of a sudden I couldn't get a good breath and I started freaking out. So they called the rescue squad again. Mr. Ronnie Jones came with the fire department which made me feel a lot better. My parents decided it wasn't necessary to go to the hospital this time. They just checked me out in the ambulance. My pulse and blood pressure were super high.

Today my mom is taking me to the doctor to see if they can figure out what has been going on. 3 of these attacks in one week is entirely too much.

Hilltop

I've been in school for about a month now, and I have absolutely loved it so far. I have the most amazing, godly friends to encourage me in my pursuit to bring God glory in everything I do. It was such a dramatic change to go from one of the worst middle schools in Wake county to one of the godliest private school in Wake county. It has taken me a while to get used to my teachers referring to the Bible in their lessons (even in my math classes). It's so wonderful to know that my teachers are here to encourage me in my faith, and all the while ensuring that I get the best education possible.

This past Thursday and Friday, our high school went on a retreat to Harvest Time Bible Camp in Shelby, NC. It was so awesome. While we are there, we grow close to each other while growing close to God at the same time. Of course, we didn't go to bed at lights out. Instead, some of us stayed up laughing and talking and sneaking out of our beds. We got to talking about a very special lady that used to be our substitue and her many health needs. So, at one in the morning, a group of about six of us and one of our favorite teachers headed out to the porch of our cabin so we wouldn't wake the others. There, we poured out our hearts of the needs that we had and we prayed about them and this coming school year.

This year, I am determined to make the most of everything. I am determined to build up everyone I talk to. I am determined to study hard and apply myself. This year, I am determined to bring God glory in everything that I do. No matter how tired, discouraged, and heartbroken I get, I am determined.

School Days

"School days, school days, back to golden rule days. With reading and writing, arithmetic. Talk to the tune of a hickory stick."

My dad sings this every day during the few weeks before school. It starts to get on your nerves after a while. Then, on the first day he sings this very loudly to wake me up that morning. But I really am excited about school this year. I know it's going to be hard because it's junior year but I've promised myself that I was going to study really hard. I'll be glad to see all my friends too. I don't think I've seen anyone from school over summer because of all my trips. I've really missed them. I'm also glad that I will be able to drive myself this year. I've gained my independence...sort of. So I'm going to start this year off on a good note, and that begins with being excited.

Kentucky

July was pretty much my travel month. First we went to the beach, then Ecuador, and a week later I went with a group to M-Fuge in Williamsburg, Kentucky. I started off with a bad attitude. I mean, I had just gotten back from an awesome trip across the world to Ecuador. I came on this trip just because I enjoyed my time last year in Philadelphia. Everyone at M-Fuge was like 10 and I would probably be the oldest one in my crew. Turns out I was. Out of PCY (painting/construction/yardwork), Social, Childrens, and Creative, I got put in the creative group-which was my first choice. I chose this group because I knew I would be challenged. During our stay in Kentucky, we would be visiting various nursing homes and adult day care centers. I was terrified, but I knew that no matter what, I had to put all my effort into this ministry. I'm not very good at talking with people. It is way way out of my comfort zone. My comfort zone would be childrens or social where I would fold clothes and various other things so I wouldn't have to talk to people. Turns out, I enjoyed my work in my crew. We would go to nursing homes and adult day care centers and I would sing with a couple of others. We would do some hymns and some silly songs. Then we would put on a puppet show and mingle with the others. I learned that God won't push my farther than I can handle. He knew I could handle this trip, but I didn't. Thank goodness His ways are higher than ours.